Rainbow Positivity

Every day is an opportunity to have a fresh start. It doesn’t matter what happened yesterday, all that counts is today. When you wake up in the morning, know that today is full of opportunities waiting to be grabbed. It is a new day, a new start. The beginning of a new life awaits you.

Are you somebody that starts each day anew?  Or are you the kind of person that dwells on everything that went wrong the previous day and finds it difficult to move on?

I’m a bit of both. Once I would dwell for ages on everything that had happened that wasn’t quite what I had hoped for – the people I clashed with, the work that didn’t go well, the bad weather and so on. I wasn’t doing it consciously, it just happened. It was hard to move on from things that hadn’t gone the way that I had hoped or hadn’t been dealt with satisfactorily. And it really does affect your general health and mental well-being. The negativity, the sadness, the sense of failure stays with you for a long time and prevents you from making the most of each day and the new opportunities that might be there waiting to be seized.

With the Covid pandemic and the lockdowns hitting us over the best part of 18 months, I began to realise that instead of being gloomy, I could grasp the differing opportunities that arose. Being confined at home and unable to work, gave me the opportunity to spend more time with my family, working in my garden, enjoying walks around the village and meeting neighbours I had never seen before – it was a revelation. I began to realise that I didn’t need much to make me happy and contented and that if I woke each morning with a positive mind set, looking forwards rather than backwards, then the days would be happier.  Going through cancer treatment which was painful, debilitating and scary at times was tough, but again I stuck with the thought that if I got through the day and it had been a tough one, I would go to sleep and wake up facing a brand new day with brand new opportunities. I wouldn’t know what would happen but it was a different day and deserved a positive outlook. It worked for me – not all the time obviously, sometime I was just too sick to truly care what day it was, but often it was enough for me to realise that this new day wasn’t as bad as the previous day and therefore there was potential for the next day to be even better!

I really do try to look for new opportunities and adventures and when I am brave enough, I grab them! I’m learning how to make the most of everything around me, to enjoy being in the moment and to look to the future. Current circumstances and general mental wellbeing has slowed this down again, but I try hard to think anew each morning and to look forward to what the day may bring. Who knows what may happen but if we greet the day with a smile, we are already starting off on the right foot.

I am currently supporting people with various levels of anxiety and depression and I strongly recommend this thought to them all. If we wake with the attitude of not wanting to get up and face the day, then we are likely to have a tough one! We can’t see our way through the fog, we can’t work out how to deal with the various problems we might be facing and we can’t find any joy in living. If we wake with a smile and the attitude of ‘Let’s see what today brings,’ we have a better chance of getting through the day successfully and happily. I’ve been told that this is nonsense but I have seen and experienced the effects for myself. It is a work in progress and not always possible but it can be done.

When I was teaching and speaking to parents whose children had been in trouble or had an upsetting day, I would always say – the matter is dealt with, today is today, tomorrow we start afresh. I wasn’t one to constantly remind children of their past demeanours – the past truly was in the past. Given the chance, the majority of children, however young they were, seemed to appreciate this and the following day would generally go better for them and for me!

Starting each day afresh can provide us with much more happiness and a greater enjoyment of life.  Try it yourself!  If you’ve had a bad day, if things have gone wrong, if you are not quite sure what to do – breathe deeply, package up all the negative thoughts and put it to the back of your mind and start the following day with excitement and anticipation. Hopefully you will see for yourself that treating each new day as a fresh new start can open the door to greater things for you and increased happiness.

I wish you well x

Have you ever tried archery? I’ve had a couple of attempts and really enjoyed it. It is hard work pulling the strings backwards ready to launch the arrow, but if you get it right, when you release the string and watch the arrow speed through the air in a clean, straight line, it is immensely satisfying.

I like the saying above because I never really thought of life in that way before and perhaps if I did, I would see the negative things that happen in my life more positively, as something essential to lead me onto greater things. We have all experienced tough times, times when we feel that we are being dragged further and further back. It is then that we often find it particularly hard to see a way forward, a way out of our current predicament and a way that is more encouraging and positive. It is easy to succumb to that feeling of helplessness and desperation, that life is tough and getting tougher. For some, they can see no way forward, no way of pushing through the darkness back into the light and no way of moving forwards with enthusiasm, energy and motivation.

Imagining these situations as the string of a bow being pulled backwards, could be helpful. The string has to be pulled a long way for an arrow to be released successfully. If not, the arrow will either flop instantly to the ground or fizzle out quickly before reaching its destination, its intended target. If the string is pulled to the correct tautness and is released at the correct time, the arrow will fly straight, at speed and directly to its target.  It has to go backwards before it can go forwards.

So, by imagining our difficulties are the string getting pulled tighter and tighter, thinking of letting go of that string might help us to let go of our own fears and insecurities and aim towards a better life or a new goal. If we can accept that there may be dark times, we can maybe use this in a positive way to feel that although life is tough at this precise moment, it will get better when we can metaphorically let go of that string. We can set our own goals, aim for better things, get ourselves ready and release those arrows, leading us onto bigger and better things.

Visualising the string being pulled tighter and tighter, its release and then the arrow whizzing through the air is a powerful image. Aim for the centre of the target in your mind, watch the arrow speed through the air and hear the thwack as it hits dead centre. It is a great image to live by – to know that although you may feel as though you are going backwards for a while, it is necessary for when the time is right for you to fly forwards. If we can believe that then we may be able to deal with those difficult times more quickly and more effectively.

When times are tough it is difficult to focus, it is difficult to aim for something more positive and it is difficult to keep energised and motivated, so next time you are feeling low, try visualising the bow, the arrow and the target.  It might just help to make a tough time easier.

I was flicking through Facebook when I came upon this verse and I thought it was great.  I read it through several times and realised it is sensible advice for everyone and if we all lived by these ethics, the world we live in and our own lives might be dramatically different!

I’m the same as anyone else, I am sure. There have been times when I have been a bit too verbal or misinterpreted what somebody was saying to me because I wasn’t listening properly.  I have spent money I haven’t earned and I’ve rattled off an e mail without checking it first or when I was not in a good mood. These are all everyday things that most people will be guilty of at some point in their life. Who hasn’t done at least one of these?

As I have got older and more open to other people’s views, more empathetic of other people’s issues and just generally more understanding, I hope that I have started to listen more, to think about what other people are saying and by listening carefully, I can hopefully respond appropriately.

I’ve always been careful with money and apart from the mortgage have never bought anything I couldn’t afford – it was the way I was brought up. I was encouraged to save, to put money aside for the things I wanted and to budget carefully to ensure I never got into debt. This is so much harder for young people these days when there is little cash use and they are told they can have anything they want. They are bombarded with adverts for 'buy now, pay later' deals which are so tempting.  It is difficult to teach young children the value of money when they are not physically handling cash and therefore know exactly how much money they have – the power of plastic is enticing and exciting but can be meaningless. it is so important that everyone learns the value of money and how to live within their means.

I’ve been on the receiving end of many thoughtless e mails, texts and messages.  They are usually written when people are angry about something and need to vent, but they can be easily misinterpreted. They are hurtful to receive especially when the facts are incorrect. I often write letters or messages when I am fed up or angry with someone, but have learnt not to send them until I have calmed down and rewritten them so that they are more appropriate! I remember sitting with one lady who was very annoyed about something connected to a very well-known company and let rip in her e mail. She then made a list of demands and asked me to sign it.  In all honesty, I couldn’t.  I was horrified by what she had written and what she was asking for. There was no way I would have written a message in that tone and I felt it was wrong. Re reading it the following day when she had calmed down, she realised that perhaps her tone was a little ‘strong!’ and altered it accordingly.

The last two statements are resonating particularly with me at present. I’m guilty of quitting things, though less so in recent times. It is so easy to say ‘I can’t,’ when faced with something that is a little harder than usual. At present I hear it a lot from someone close to me. Whilst I understand there are certain things this person can no longer do; this statement is said daily several times and seems a natural response to anything that is suggested. There is no thinking, there is no trying, there is no finding a way round it – the answer is just ‘I can’t’.  This makes me very sad because in most cases, a way can be found and with a bit of practice, some things are achievable. When I am working in the forest with young children, we don’t say ‘I can’t, we  encourage the children to say ‘I can’t yet, but if I keep trying, I might be able to.’ By just adding the word ‘yet’ we find that the children have a completely different attitude. They understand that they are not expected to be able to do everything instantly. They are willing to give things a try. And they understand that if they keep trying, they will get better and better and one day they will realise that they can actually do the task successfully.  It is a simple statement that works. In recent years I have tried harder to do things that I find difficult. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don’t.  Sometimes I do quit and ask for help but at least I have given it a go and I can be proud of that.

Finally, I look at the last statement and this has become a kind of mantra for me. Going through the pandemic and then cancer surgery and chemotherapy was a time when there were a lot of things I couldn’t do.  It was hard for everyone during the pandemic when our activities were severely curtailed, travelling was impossible and we were confined to our homes. I think it was a time that made us all realise how lucky we had been and how we needed to make the most of being able to do what we wanted and go where we wanted when restrictions were finally lifted. A lot of my friends started travelling more, visiting many countries or travelling around the UK, getting out every weekend – just because they could. And with a cancer diagnosis and all that entails – life can also be very restrictive. There are regular appointments, knowing that you will feel rubbish, having to avoid people in certain weeks because your immune system is low and so on. For some, the prognosis is not good, they are too ill to live a full life and the future is disappearing. One of the nicer side effects of my own diagnosis is that I do try to see life differently and to make the most of opportunities.

Last year my life was even more restricted as every spare day was spent with my parents who are unwell and there was little opportunity to do anything else.  It is easy to get sucked into the daily routine, doing what you have to do and not finding time for any fun but the new year has made me go back to the way I behaved having got through my cancer treatment. Time may be in short supply but I am determined to seize what opportunities I can to get out, have fun, experience new things and basically live! I may not be able to do everything I want because of the demands on my time, but if an offer of an outing, a meeting or a walk comes along, I am going to seize it, whenever possible.

With the age that I am now and with my recent experiences, I know that life is short and can change very quickly, so don’t waste that time just existing - get out and live the best life that you can.

Those that know me, know I am forever writing lists! I just can’t help myself. Life is so complicated at the moment and I spend so little time in my own home, that I have numerous lists so that I know what I am doing, where I am going and what I need with me. I always tend to start a new year with a list too – a list of the things I want to achieve through the year.  Last year’s was abandoned within the first few weeks due to events that occurred in my family life and was never restarted and this year doesn’t look any less complicated so far, so, instead of a list of things I want to do, I am thinking of a list of things that I can change.  The above is therefore very apt.

It is very easy when life is hard, to just focus on the difficult and tricky things going on. We forget that there are still things to be grateful for. I try hard to think of those when I am feeling tired or low but it isn’t always easy. I also try to pass that on to others I know are struggling, helping them to see the good things in life even if they feel unimportant compared to the more difficult things going on. So, this year, whenever I feel particularly low, I will focus on and count my blessings. Writing them down will help me to appreciate them more and remind me that there is always something to be grateful for.

Letting go of things I can’t control is going to be much harder. I have a tendency to go over and over things that have gone wrong or things that I have done and shouldn’t and I worry about them. Anxiety can take over easily and I have to really work hard to move on and let things pass. This year, I need to try to do that quicker for my own sanity! If things are out of my control, then I need to let it go and work on the things that I can control and the changes that I can make.

Practising kindness is something I think I have got better at over the years. I’ve always tried to be kind but during the pandemic, I tried to make this a priority, thinking about how others were feeling more than myself. I aim to continue this where possible but also perhaps learn to be kinder to myself. I am my own worst critic and I am very hard on myself, so perhaps this year I can learn to accept my faults and that I can’t please everyone all the time, however hard I try.

As a Scorpio, I am known to have a sting in my tail. I am very loyal to my friends but if someone betrays me, I find it hard to forgive and move on. Over the years I have improved and I can be polite even friendly with those that have upset me, but I am not sure that I ever truly forget and I can be wary of those I feel have let me down. I’m also not good at forgiving myself. We all make mistakes but when I do, I beat myself up over them for a very long time! So 2024 needs to be more about forgiveness, forgiving quicker, moving on and not going over the past.

Until recently, I would say I am a productive person. I work hard, I do lots of different things, I keep myself busy and hopefully achieve. In doing that, I am not always calm! I burn the candle at both ends at times, I push myself harder and harder until I make myself unwell and I place higher demands on myself as I achieve. This last year, productivity was almost non existent due to family commitments and a lack of time. I’m not sure it made me any calmer as I was constantly frustrated by the long list of things I should be doing or wanted to do but couldn’t. So this year it is all about setting myself small targets and goals, working out how things can be managed and achieved, but to be realistic in what I ask of myself. I need to understand that I can’t do everything and accept that.

And finally – just breathe!  This is the one I think we are all most guilty of forgetting to do, taking time to just breathe, taking a moment to ourselves, just stopping and being still. Who knew that it was so important? Who knew that it could be so difficult?  During the pandemic and my recovery year, I delighted in going for a walk around the village every day in all weathers. It was 40 minutes of me time - time to blow away the cobwebs, relax and live in the moment. That was something else that disappeared last year and I have missed it so much. As we start the beginning of the new year, I can see how much not going out in the fresh air has affected me both mentally and physically. I’ve not had time to breathe as I’ve been too busy looking after other people, trying to make sure they are ok, spending the little time I have at home keeping up with the basics and finding that the scarce time I have for myself was just needed for sleep. 2024 – I need to reintroduce that breathing time before I make myself ill too.

So, no list of normal resolutions for me, but a good hard think and a change to my overall lifestyle. Whether it is manageable or not, I don’t know, but I can give it a damn good try. And perhaps the memo above is actually more important than the usual resolution list: get fit, lose weight, don’t eat as much chocolate etc  because they are skills that will benefit me for the rest of my life and will hopefully see a marked improvement in my physical and mental health.

Whatever goals you set for yourself this year – be realistic, be gentle and be kind to yourself. I wish you good luck.

Happy New Year. May 2024 be a good one for you all.

I came across this quote recently and it really resonated with me. I had never thought of looking for the ‘best’ things during the worst periods of my life, and there have been some difficult times over the years as with everyone I know.  But the statement is so true on both counts.

I would never really describe myself as a strong person. I’ve had times when I have really struggled to function normally, to hide my fears and in some cases just to get up in the morning and get through the day. There have been times when I have felt so ill and so frightened that I have wondered how I would manage and yet somehow I do. I’ve had a couple of times when I have been seriously ill in hospital, having major surgery and coping with the after effects. There were times when I wondered if I would be able to deal with it, to move on and to forge onwards with life. An ectopic pregnancy put my life in real danger and plunged me into a depression.  Cancer surgery left me feeling terrified for the future.

They were times of physical and mental pain and I would never have believed I could pull myself together and work hard to regain fitness and yet I did, both times. It was hard work but by setting myself small targets and pushing myself a little more each day when I felt able to, I did indeed return to reasonable health and fitness levels, though not perhaps exactly as I had been. I had to dig deep to find that inner strength and to prove to myself that I was indeed much stronger than I thought. People tell you that you are brave but I don’t feel that at all, it was merely a case of choosing whether to improve or whether to stay as I was. My decision was to work hard to return to normal or as close to normal as quickly as I could.

I truly believe that strength is in everyone …. If they want to find it. It takes courage to dig deep in hard times.  It takes patience to accept that you can no longer do everything as you did, or to start again to build up strength. It takes resilience to cope with the setbacks which will inevitably hit you along the way. But I truly do feel that if you want to, you will find your inner strength and prove to yourself that you are far far stronger than you might ever think.

I also realised both times, that not everyone was as they seemed and their true colours really did show. Some people’s reactions saddened me while others surprised me. Some good friends drifted away unable to cope with my illness or my depression, others who were more passing acquaintances, demonstrated such kindness and support that they have now become good friends. Small gestures, offers of help, visits, regular messages – were all gratefully received and they all helped a great deal. I will be forever grateful to those who went out of their way to support me and to encourage me to progress. I will be forever grateful that they gave up their time to visit, take me out, write me a letter or offer encouragement when I was at my lowest. These people were the rainbows in my life when the clouds were at their darkest. They helped to lift my mood, find my inner strength and move on.

I’ve lost people along the way which is always sad, but I have also found new people who have become better friends and hopefully I can be to them what they have been to me – someone who can be there when needed through good times and bad, who can provide strength and encouragement as required and smiles and support when they are needed the most.

Today has been a bad day. I’ve had so much on my mind that I messed up totally at work. I made a mistake. It wasn’t a huge life changing mistake but nevertheless, I made a rooky error that I shouldn’t have done. I know that I have been distracted with lots of worries going on but I shouldn’t have let it affect my work.

As soon as I realised my mistake, I had a decision to make. Do I own up and try to rectify it?  Or, do I just leave things as they are and hope that it won’t be noticed? In my head, I knew that I had to own up. I also knew that it would not go down well and I wasn’t looking forward to that. As it happens, the news was taken more calmly than I thought and as I volunteered to stay late and reinput my data, the work for the other person to sort things out was not increased by much. But still, I got the look and the reminder that I had been careless.

My problem is, that several hours later, I am still fretting about my mistake and beating myself up about it. It is something that I do quite regularly. I can’t forget instantly and move on, I go over it in my head, trying to work out where I went wrong and berating myself for being stupid. I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have made the error. I should have known better. And each time I do this, my self confidence diminishes a little bit more. I recognise it as a fault of mine but am struggling to change it.

I sat looking through my book of quotes on my return and found the above one which I have read several times. This one is one that I should be following regularly.  I should realise that we all make mistakes, not just me, and that we can learn from them, deal with them, put them behind us and move on. We can learn so much from our mistakes: how we acknowledge them, how we deal with them, how we can prevent them happening again but I think the biggest lesson we can learn is to be kind and forgiving to ourselves.

I’m one of those people who are very hard on themselves. I constantly berate myself for not being good enough or certainly not as good as others. I never feel confident that I have something valuable to offer in comparison with others but I don’t really know why I feel this way. I can only put it down to previous experiences and having lived most of my life with imposter syndrome!  It is debilitating. It is upsetting. It messes with your mind.

I rarely have a day when I feel completely satisfied and happy with all that has happened. There is usually something I could have done better or something more I could have done. In my case, I want to do a good job. I want to be a kind person. I want to do well and ultimately, I care that I am doing things well. I care what other people think of me and that is perhaps what causes most of my issues. I don’t want others to think that I am not good enough, that I don’t work hard enough or that I don’t care whether I do the job well or not. But because of that, I put myself under incredible pressure which makes me question everything I do. I think this has become worse since going through cancer treatment and as I get older but I don’t really know why.

I need to read the quote above regularly and follow its wisdom. Nobody is perfect – we all make a mistake every now and again or say an unkind word. It wouldn’t be normal to never ever do something that could be better. I need to think that today was not a good day but I recognised I had made a mistake and owned up to it, I apologised and I suggested a way to put it right. So, in retrospect, what more could I have done?

I recognise that it is time for me to try to switch off, readjust and refocus for the rest of the day. Next week, is another opportunity to start afresh and make sure that I do not make the same mistake again.  And in the meantime, I need to work on letting go and moving on. It’s not easy but for my mental health, I realise it is time I learnt and succeeded! And perhaps if I can learn to forgive myself, other people will forgive me more readily too.

Wish me luck!

It’s not often I choose a quote from an actor but I rather liked this simple statement by Drew Barrymore. A successful actress, producer and business woman, Drew has led a colourful life with many problems to overcome.  As a young child she starred in 'ET' and became one of the most famous child actors of all time but it led to a childhood linked to drug and alcohol abuse. Drew went on to star in a string of romantic comedies such as '50 First Dates' and 'The Wedding Singer' and has had many awards and nominations, overcoming her much publicised wild childhood problems.

We all change in life. We are not the same people we were as children, teenagers, young adults and so on. We are constantly adapting to new roles (child, wife, mother, auntie etc), new experiences (moving house, getting married, getting divorced) and constantly re-inventing ourselves as we take on different roles.

There are also times in everybody’s past when they might not have acted in the best way or the kindest way, times when we wished we had reacted differently. Drew’s comment reminds us that whatever has happened in the past, however badly we may have acted, we can always change and grow into a better, kinder, more empathetic, responsible person. We can take steps to change and to make things different.

We read of children who bullied others at school becoming counsellors to help others, of those from a poor background working hard to improve their life and give back to the community, of people committing serious crimes, repenting and changing. It is possible.  We can all do it if we want to. It might be a minor change in our outlook on life, our approach to life or the way we react to people. It might be changes we need to make at work to be more confident, more approachable, more assertive or it could be individual things such as learning to be kinder to ourselves, to educate ourselves or to inspire others.

I’ve heard many a person say I’m too old to change now, I’m set in my ways but this doesn’t have to be the case - we can all change if we want to and if we are prepared to put in some effort. We can all transform into a new and beautiful butterfly if we make the decision to do so.

My major change was during my cancer treatment. I’d always thought of myself as a realist prior to my cancer diagnosis - someone who was never overly positive in outlook but realistic about what could happen - not getting too excited in case I was disappointed. I was always a person who planned things – I very rarely did anything spontaneous. That was just me. And then life changed due to Covid and cancer which meant I couldn’t do a lot of the things I wanted to and it was difficult to plan as I didn’t know how I would feel or if Covid restrictions would be in place. It was then I started to look at things slightly differently. If I felt good and it was possible, I would go out on the spur of the moment. One day I  felt like fish and chips on the beach so we got in the car and drove to Filey – no planning, no previous thinking, just an on-the-spot decision that was possible. Another day I rang up and bought theatre tickets with just an hour to go before the show started. We just made it in time!! I’d never acted like that before but I kind of liked it.

This has led to other snap decisions that sometimes are possible and sometimes not. And now I make a concerted effort to try to look at things in a more positive way.  If something not so good happens, I try to switch it around, there is usually some positive to be found if you look hard enough! And funnily enough this has made me feel a bit happier within myself - an extra bonus.

My family are currently going through some difficult times and some members are finding it hard to find anything positive at all. That is totally understandable, but I feel that if they could just try to see things in a slightly different way, they too could experience joy once more and maybe they too could transform themselves into a butterfly.

It is never too late. We just need to look at ourselves subjectively and work out what needs to be done. Perhaps then we can all transform into the beautiful butterflies we should be.

Be like a tree.

Stay grounded.

Connect with your roots.

Turn over a new leaf.

Bend before you break.

Enjoy your unique natural beauty.

Keep growing.

Joanne Rapits

Stay grounded – be aware of all that is around you and of all the people that around you. Enjoy any success and the good things that happen in life, but try not to let it make you into something you are not. Nobody likes a show off, a big head or somebody who thinks they are above everyone else.

Connect with your roots – remember where you started, who made you, who helped you on your way. I always like to think of the saying be kind to those on the way up as they will be kind to you on your way down! In other words, by connecting with your roots and remembering those who have helped, supported, assisted, been kind to you and so on, you will be a much more humble, kind and generous person.

Turn over a new leaf – it is never too late to recognise your mistakes and to change them. Every day we get up, we can become a different person if we choose to. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is capable of trying to overcome them and make things better. If life is not what you want, be determined to start over and try a different tack -who knows what that might bring? If you haven’t always acted in the best manner, turn over a new leaf, start afresh, apologise, become a different person.

Bend before you break – I’ve broken on numerous occasions. I’ve been stubborn or not recognised the signs and ploughed on regardless and I have been hurt. I’ve also tried on occasions to do too much to the detriment of my own health and wellbeing, despite my intention being to help others. Sometimes we have to bend, we have to give in to protect ourselves and those around us. Starting again after a break is so much harder than making changes as you go along and it is not selfish to sometimes put yourself first.

Enjoy your unique natural beauty – how many of us have looked in the mirror or compared ourselves to a friend and believed that we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough and so on?  I bet most people have at some point. The thing to remember is that we can all be beautiful in thought and spirit, in our actions and the way we speak to other people. Each one of us is unique and each one of us is beautiful in our own way, we just have to recognise it. Stop comparing yourself to other people and believing that you are not good enough because you are, just in a different way! I bet the people we envy are thinking something about you that they wish they were like such as being patient, or sporty or just being a person people want to be around.

Keep growing – there is potential in us all to keep on growing, every single day. We can always try something new, or learn something new. There is another book to read, a programme to watch, a place to visit – all of these things help us to grow and develop and keep our minds active and well. I’ve seen the damage that can be done by those that think they are too old to change or to learn something new and am determined that I will not be the same. To me, the day I stop learning is the day I give up living. We can grow in knowledge, in health and in the way we are as people and I hope that I continue to keep growing and being the kind of person that I want to be.

These are just my thoughts. You might interpret the statements differently but today and everyday I want to be a tree!

I’m a book lover so I adore any quotes relating to books! This one though, definitely resonates. When I look back at my life (which I seem to do more now that I am getting older!) I can divide it up into different chapters. Some have indeed been happy ones – meeting my future husband, having my children, spending time with family, enjoying my work etc and some have been really exciting – living on the Falkland Islands, riding in a helicopter, travelling to different countries. We all have these times in our lives but we also have the unhappy or sad chapters. It is a natural part of life. These are the times when life doesn’t go as we had hoped, we lose loved ones, fall out with friends, suffer various illnesses and so on.

A major part of my life has been led by fear. I am fearful of not being good enough, being able to cope, being able to be spontaneous or take risks. It is just the way I am, but I do have regrets that this behaviour has led me to miss out on some wonderful and exciting opportunities. It has made me act in a way that hasn’t always been to my benefit or to show the best of my abilities.

Sometimes it is really scary to try something new or to head in a different direction to what is expected. It is easier to stick with what we know, what we feel comfortable with, but when I think of these opportunities as new chapters in a book, I have a glimpse of what might have been, what might have happened! No one ever really knows what is round the corner for them. We can predict how our lives will pan out but we can never be certain that that is what will actually happen.

I never envisaged leaving the education profession and doing something new. It took a lot for me to make that decision and although I miss working with the children and being part of school life, I now have a fascinating part time job working as a confectionary sensory taster! It is not something I had ever thought about, but on seeing a Facebook article entitled ‘Could this be the perfect job for you?’ something made me turn that metaphorical page and send an immediate reply saying Yes it was! From that I ventured into the world of chocolate tasting.

Looking to the next chapter might be a little scary. I hate getting older. I don’t like that my children are now grown up.  I worry about my parents who are in poor health. I hate the fact that minor niggles now make me anxious in case my cancer has returned.  So many worries and concerns facing me. So many reasons not to turn that page but life moves on and there is no way we can stop it.

Sometimes we may just need to be a bit braver, to turn the page to the next chapter in our lives enthusiastically and willingly and just see where it takes us. Opportunities are there for us all if we are willing to take the chance and give it a go.

When I am reading, I can’t wait to turn the page and read the next chapter. Perhaps I should work harder to ensure I lead my life in the same way.

How about you?

I rather like this analogy.  Life is full of good times and negative ones and quite often we end up focussing far too much and for far too long on just the negatives. They take over and we are so consumed by them, we forget to enjoy and make the most of the good things, however small they might be.

I’ve gone through times when it has been a huge struggle to see the positives because there have been far too many negatives going on at once. But what I did realise fairly quickly, was that if I got bogged down and could only see the bad times, my mind would spiral very quickly into a depression which was hard to pull up from. Instead, I learned to take all the brighter parts of a day, to write them down, to focus on them and to appreciate them.  The brighter parts might be something very tiny or seemingly insignificant, but they are still a brightness in what can seem to be an overwhelming darkness.

I had a conversation with someone recently about this very topic. They started their day by saying that they hated getting up in the morning because they didn’t know what they were going to be facing.  I kind of got it, but I also felt that this attitude coloured the day from the moment that person got up. Instead of waking and embracing a new day, they were still fixated on all that had gone wrong the previous one and what might (just might!) go wrong today. Within an hour, the next comment was  ‘When is anything going to go right today?’ and yet, at that point, nothing had actually gone wrong!

To me, this negative mindset completely dictates the way a day might go. Everything becomes a problem. Everything is difficult. Nothing is going right. And the little glimmers get lost in the noise. As I tried to point out to the person involved that particular morning: it was a glorious day, the sun was shining, the sky was a beautiful clear blue, the birds were singing and we were facing a brand-new day. This person had managed to get up, washed and dressed, made breakfast and washed up, did a little bit of dusting, answered the phone, spoke to carers, prepared lunch and managed 5 minutes sitting with a newspaper. To me, this was all positive. To me, this was a day when things were going right. Nothing spectacular, nothing out of the ordinary, but run of the mill stuff that maybe hadn’t been achieved a few weeks previously. Small things, small achievements but surely worthy of some recognition.

The last sentence about taking another shot is also an important one to me. None of us get everything right and in fact many of us learn and improve by doing things wrong. If we gave up at the first obstacle, we would never achieve anything, never improve, never move on. It is not always easy but if we can learn to put the past in the past and keep it there, then we can move forward and hopefully flourish.

Personally, I am very bad at forgetting the past and moving on. I muse over things for a long time, work them through in my head, try to understand what I have done, where I have gone wrong and what I can improve on but I also know that when I can put things behind me, I move on far quicker, feel much happier and achieve much more.

So, think of yourself as a camera and see if it helps to make life easier and simpler for you if you are having a tough time. Focus on the important things in life not the trivia, enjoy and celebrate the good times, the small achievements, the flashes of brightness and learn from, but put the negatives, well and truly behind you. And remember that other saying that you were probably told time and again by your parents and grandparents when you were a child: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.  Learn from your mistakes, take another shot and see how much better you can be.

Sending anyone in need a huge hug, positive vibes and lots of sunshine smiles 😊

Waking up to see another day is a blessing. 

Don’t take it for granted.

Make it count and be happy that you are alive.

Never before has this saying been quite so apt for my family and I.

We currently have a family member on end of life/palliative care. It is a particularly difficult time for us. The person knows that they are nearing the end of their life and it is hard. Each night when they go to sleep, they don’t know if they will wake the following morning. Each time they say goodbye to someone, they don’t know if it will be the last time that they see them. It is hard for us as a family to see this too. We also say good night and see you in the morning, not knowing if these words will actually come true.

And yet, the person involved has so far defied all expectations. They were not expected to live this long. They were not expected to see so many new days and I for one, feel truly blessed, each time that we wake at the dawning of a new day and are greeted with those simple words ‘Good morning.’  Although life is tricky and complicated, I pray for many more for the person involved.

I also know that for that person life is not great. They are unable to do anything much anymore. They are confined to a bed but through the window they can see the blue sky, fluffy white clouds, the sun shining on the houses opposite, or the rain beating down on the window. Each of these simple things is a pleasure that they thought they might not see again and they have made me realise just how lucky I am. I am lucky because I can go and walk outside and feel the sun beating down on my back, the rain splashing my face, the wind buffeting my hair – things they will never feel again. I can watch the spring flowers bloom in the garden, hear the sound of children playing in the school playground and walk freely. I have learned to be grateful for each of these small things having watched someone realise and acknowledge with patience and good grace, though sadness too, that these simple things are now impossible. I have learned what it is like to be accepting and gracious and thankful.

In my own life I have had times when I too wondered. Having an illness can make you rethink your life. Finding things difficult whether it be through a physical illness, mental health issues or just circumstances, affects the way you think. Looking to the future can be tough if you can’t see a way through your problems. When you feel so poorly that you can barely lift your head from the pillow from feeling so weak, it is hard to believe that things will get better. For some they won’t but for each new day we see there is a reason to be grateful. Another day with our loved ones, another day to put things right or set new things in motion, another day to be with friends and family.

Waking to see a new day is not guaranteed. Who knows what the future holds?  So, shouldn’t we be trying to make the most of every one that comes our way?

I am certainly trying and I am truly thankful that my family member is with us for a little bit longer.

Sometimes your circle decreases in size, but increases in value. 

Life is not about the quantity of friends you have.

It is about the quality of friends you have.

Our friendships change throughout our life, fulfilling different needs at different times. Some people are lucky to have friends from childhood, others have more recent friends. But I have learned that the number of friends is not important.  I now believe that I have a handful of ‘true friends’ who have seen me at my best and seen me at my worst, but who have stuck by me through thick and thin. If I act inappropriately they will tell me, if I do something nice they will tell me. They are thoughtful, honest, kind and there for me, as I hope that I am for them too. I would expect them to tell me if I am wrong about something, I would expect us to have disagreements, I would expect us to think very differently about some things, but I know that this doesn’t matter because true friendship overcomes all that easily. We can accept our differences, we can understand them even if we don’t agree with them, and we can continue to be good friends nevertheless. That to me is true friendship, as is knowing that if I am struggling, I can turn to them for good advice, for support and for care.

So I am more than happy with my few proper close friends. I don’t need lots anymore, I just need  a few good ones!

Life is full of ups and downs.  We seem to go through a period of stability followed by a time when everything just seems too much.  We can feel ourselves getting overwhelmed, losing control and struggling with demands on our time. I loved this analogy of carrying too many bags!  It seems to fit with the way I feel on occasion when I can sense myself tipping over the edge because there is too much to do, too many responsibilities or too many problems to overcome. I’m going through something like that now – trying to maintain my workload, my family and home life whilst helping to look after my parents who are both unwell and need support.

Somewhere in the mix of all that I am losing myself. There is no time for me to sleep properly, to eat healthy meals or just to take time to relax. Spending half the week with my parents and half the week at my own home is taking its toll but I know that it is currently necessary, there's not a great deal I can do about it. I can feel myself weighed down by ‘too many bags’ and I have realised that something has to or is likely to give. I can’t do everything, I can’t be the person I want to be, I have to prioritise. It has taken me time to realise that and to understand that it is important to focus on what is important and necessary at this precise moment, not what might be needed in the future. It is only by doing this, by putting some of those ‘bags’ down, that I can get through each day and achieve what needs to be done. The housework can wait. The home cooked meals can wait. The gardening can wait.  But caring for my parents, supporting my sister, providing for my family can’t.

I might want to do everything or feel obliged to do more, but I know that I can’t because if I don’t take care, I will make myself ill and what use would that be? Mums in particular are often guilty of trying to carry too much. We care for our partners, our children, our pets and our home and looking after ourselves seems to come at the very bottom of the list. We need to remember, that we can only do what we can. It is impossible to do everything and the sooner we realise that and prioritise, the sooner we can reach a suitable and sensible outcome.

And in amongst all that ’bag carrying’ we need to remember who WE are and what WE need, because we are all guilty of neglecting ourselves and losing who we are in the process of caring for everybody else.  It is time to focus on what is important and put the 'rest of the bags' down for a while!

I love this.  The first time I read it, it really made me think.

We all have bad days and it is difficult sometimes to brush them aside. We mull things over, we fret over what was said and done, we have a sleepless night tossing and turning and wake up the next morning often still thinking of what happened the day before. It colours the whole day but it is sometimes hard to forget and move on.

But it is very true - every day is a fresh start. We have a choice. We can wake up and resolve to change things, make them better, forget what has happened and move forwards or we can continue to think of whatever bad has happened the day before.  We don’t have to keep replaying what has gone before if we choose not to, we can resolve to start again, make things right and change the way we think. In other words, we can choose to do things differently.

When I was teaching, I would often tell children who had been in trouble or who had found things tough, that tomorrow was a new day and that we would start afresh – all misdemeanours forgiven and forgotten. I wanted them to know that I didn’t bear grudges and that if they came with that same attitude, the day would be much better. Some children adapted quickly to this way of thinking, others took a little longer, fretting over fallings out with their friends, being teased or being unable to do their work. But with practice they began to realise that a little bit of time overnight could change the way we think and make things a little easier. If they chose to come into school the next morning feeling bright and ready to try again, then the day inevitably went better for them.

I have learned through my own experiences that waking up and still thinking about the ‘broken past’ can make it very difficult to move on or to overcome something. It festers in your mind, drags you down and makes it hard to enjoy each day. Each day becomes progressively harder as we continue to carry around ‘old baggage.’  And then when I was diagnosed with cancer and some days really were tough, I often found that the only way to get through was to think that tomorrow would be a fresh start and a new beginning, and it might just not be quite so bad. It helped get me through the worst days of treatment when I was feeling so rubbish and it did work.

My illness also made me think that we should make the most of every single day because nobody can predict the future. Things don’t always go as planned. Circumstances can change so rapidly that we are in shock and so we should grab the good times and make the most of them. If we wake up each day feeling positive about the new day, it might just help us to deal with the bad times, when they happen, more easily and enable us to move on quicker. It seems a shame to waste days thinking of the ‘broken pieces’ that have come and gone instead of looking to the future, when we all have so much to live for.

Forget the past, embrace the future and enjoy each and every day!

Every situation in life is temporary.

So, when life is good, make sure you enjoy and receive it fully.

And when life is not so good, remember that it will not last forever and better days are on the way.

I read this and thought how apt it was to the way my life has been for the last few years. With all its ups and downs, it has sometimes been difficult to remain positive and upbeat and there have been days when I have just wanted to curl up in a corner and hide away. But, at this very point in my life, I can honestly say that better days have come and more will come. They may not be quite what I expected, or even what I had hoped for, but when I think back to those dark days, the days when I really struggled to function, I can see how far I have come and how better days did miraculously appear.

In our household, the festive season this year was a bit of a wash out. It did not go the way we had hoped nor the way we had planned. With one member of the household struck down by Covid and a family member rushed into hospital seriously ill, we ended the year feeling pretty low and the start of the new year was not full of the hope and optimism it should have been. But in reality, there is always some hope, and each day has brought tiny steps of optimism back and today we are in a much brighter place once again. It might be temporary but it is there.

I now try to take joy from the simplest things in life. Even on those dark days, getting outside, going for a walk and taking time to notice things improved my mental health and wellbeing. Being in the open air helps you to appreciate even the smallest thing – a tiny green blade pushing through the hardened earth, a single snowflake, a smile from a stranger – they all bring the promise and the hope of better things heading our way – a batch of flowers, a jolly snowman and the potential for a new friend.

There are always going to be difficult days in our lives so we need to make the most of the good days and the not so good days, and remember that if we can get through those bad times, good things will come once more.

A Native American Prayer

I give you this, one thought to keep,

I am with you still; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on the snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle Autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone,

I am with you still, in each new dawn.

Christmas is such a happy time when we join together with friends and families for fun times and celebrations, but it is also a time when we often miss those that were once close to us and are no longer there the most. Whether it is through distance, illness, separation, death or other circumstances, it can be hard to get through the festive celebrations and enjoy ourselves, when we are missing someone badly and it can feel quite lonely.

At Christmas time, I I remember my grandparents, all long gone now. They would come to visit us or we would spend the day at theirs. I particularly remember the Christmas Eve that my grandma died and my parents trying so hard to keep everything as normal and happy as possible for us children. How hard it must have been for them. I also remember other family members who are no longer with us and friends from my past.

I came across this prayer and thought it was so moving. It reminded me that although a person may not physically be with us anymore, in our hearts and in our minds, they are never truly forgotten. Our memories keep them alive for eternity.

Those that have passed are never truly gone. Snippets of music, a conversation, a photograph, a smell or sound can all vividly conjure up clear memories of each and every one of them. It might be the smell of the particular soap that my Nana used to use, stored in a cupboard at the top of the stairs, smoke from a pipe reminding me of my Grandad rocking in his chair, finding jam in chocolate cake (a definite no no in my opinion but something my Grandma always did!) or seeing a particular flower blossom (my Pop was an avid gardener who had a multitude of begonias and gloxinias) – they all spark a memory and bring happy thoughts. And while those memories are there, so are they – just in a different form.

If someone you love has passed, I hope that these words provide some comfort for you. I strongly believe that if we look closely enough, we can find something of our loved ones in everything we see, everything we hear and everything we do. I hope that you too can conjure up happy memories despite the sadness.

Wishing everyone a beautiful, relaxing and happy Christmas time.

Sometimes things can look totally insurmountable! It could be a work task, recovering from surgery or an illness, or just getting through the normal day to day stuff. There are times when life just seems too much. I’ve had days when I have felt totally unable to cope, that the stresses and expectations on me are just unachievable and that there is no point in starting something if you cannot see a way to the end.

Over the years I have realised that this is not true! I have learned to step back, to reassess and to break things down into small steps. Each time a small step is achieved, I have taken a step towards my goal. It might take me a while, but by breaking things down, I realise that I can achieve the end result.

After my surgery and illness, it literally was putting one foot in front of the other. I had been running 5km, walking 10,000+ steps a day and suddenly I was barely able to move as I had no energy and was in pain. There are times when rest is THE most important thing and although I am not a person to sit doing nothing, I very quickly realised that it was essential for my long term recovery. But when I was able to start doing things again, I had to be patient and take it one step at a time. Walking to the end of the garden would exhaust me, but bit by bit, I built up and got to the end of the road, to the shop, round the block and then back to my usual walking routes.

Immediately after surgery, the thought of walking around my village was the equivalent to climbing a mountain. It didn’t seem possible. I felt the weakest I had done in a very long time but step by step I did it. The saying is quite true, taking small steps might not seem like you are making much progress, but it soon mounts up and when you look back, or look down, you will realise the mountain you have climbed.

Dig deep, take it slowly and most mountains are achievable!

Sometimes we just have to cut off the dead branches in our life. Sometimes that’s the only thing we can do to keep the tree alive. It’s hard and it hurts, but it’s what is best.

Nicola Williams

Have you ever tried to remain friends with someone even though they have let you down or hurt you? I have on numerous occasions. I try hard to forgive bad behaviour or make excuses for it, assuming that these people are going through something difficult in their own lives and need to express it in some way, but in reality, I am not doing myself any favours. If people continue to make your life hard, put you down or make you feel worthless, why is it that we often do our utmost, whatever it takes, to retain their ‘friendship’ and not instead choose to cut them loose?

I think it is because we all have an innate desire to be liked and loved. We don’t want to think that people dislike us or want to cause us unhappiness. We feel that if we continue to be kind and patient they will eventually change and, in some cases, we might be lucky, but more often than not, the person in question continues to let us down whatever we do. This can have a hugely damaging effect on our wellbeing and feelings of self-worth, preventing us from leading happy and fulfilled lives.

Cutting ‘off the dead branches’ seems a cruel and tough thing to do. If you live in a small village or you are thinking about your workplace, it seems impossible to cut someone out of your life completely. It might be impossible to avoid certain people and it can be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to meet but for our own sanity, maybe, just maybe, it is essential to do something. Sometimes we might just have to put our own wellbeing first and if we want to remain strong and alive, then removing those who continue to make our life unhappy is the only way. They don’t add anything to your life, they are not contributing to your well-being, they are not encouraging you to be successful, so why keep them in your life? Why not just move on and find those that will support you, who are happy when you are happy, who are there for you when you are sad and who want to see you enjoying life? These are the people who are needed in life – true friends who want you to be the best that you can be and don’t feel the need to pull you down at every opportunity.

Dead wood needs to be removed from trees to keep them healthy. The same can be said for our lives. Perhaps just occasionally, we should put ourselves first and remain polite and civil but removed from those who bring nothing to the friendship except self-doubt and unhappiness. However much it hurts, maybe it just needs to be done.

Autumn is such a beautiful month with its glorious colours, harvest fruits and crisp but refreshing weather. I couldn’t resist the statement above which seemed very apt. In Autumn the trees lose their leaves and prepare for winter. They stand tall and resolute and, in the spring, they are renewed and re-invigorated with fresh green buds and leaves. It happens every year. Out with the old and in with the new.

Moving on and letting things go is something I find difficult – especially if I feel wronged or misunderstood. I go over and over things in my head, suffer many a sleepless night and sink into a depression if I am not careful. It can take me a very long time to get over things when I feel hurt and even now I can recall certain things that have happened in my past that still leave me feeling sad and confused many years later. But if I really think about it, it is me that is allowing that to happen and for my own sanity and peace of mind, I really do need to learn how to move on, how to keep things from the past in the past and how to look forwards instead of backwards. I need to be that tree, letting the leaves fall and float away, standing strong and waiting for that rebirth which will inevitably come.

It is not an easy thing to do and I admire those that can brush life’s hassles away and constantly look forward. But I can recognise that this is the way life should be. We need to live in the present: enjoy the moment, look to the future and let the past remain in the past. What is done is done. What is coming could be even better.

So, as I walk around the village, breathing in that special Autumn scent, enjoying the changing colours of the leaves around me and the bright red berries that appear to be in abundance, I shall try to remind myself to let old wounds heal and open my heart to new experiences, new friendships and new adventures.

Grief is the price we pay for love.

Queen Elizabeth the second 1926 -2022

It is a simple statement but it says a lot. We grieve for someone because we loved them. I cannot speak for all but many in Great Britain and around the world are mourning the loss of the Queen. And the depth of that love is shown in the way we are feeling, how it has affected us emotionally and spiritually and how it brings back memories of others we have lost – particularly mothers and grandmothers.

The Queen used this phrase when she sent a message of condolence to the United States of America following the 9/11 victims in 2001 and also when she referred to the loss of her beloved husband, the Duke of Edinburgh, ‘her strength and stay,’ last year. The phrase was subsequently repeated by the new Prince of Wales in his first address remembering his Grannie and by the President of the United States Joe Biden.

It takes time and attention to grieve for someone we loved. We mourn, we remember, we laugh, we smile and we cry. For those we loved the most, we grieve the most, taking the time needed to come to terms with our loss. If we have invested great love in someone then the impact of grief is much greater than that of a passing acquaintance or someone we liked and admired but never truly loved.

In that respect, the depth of our grief can perhaps be measured as directly proportional to the love and security we have lost in the death of a much loved one.

It is hard to endure grief and loss. It takes time to build the strength and courage to continue, but we do. We forge a new way of life – never quite the same and always perhaps with that feeling that someone is missing, but we battle on and forge our way through the grief. It might be easier never to grieve for anyone but what a life that would be – a life devoid of the deep love for those we care about.

To all those who are grieving whether for the Queen, a parent or a close friend – have strength and courage and remember them with love.

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift!

I had a lot of time to think last year. Many days I wasn’t well enough to get out and do all the things I wanted to do or go to work, I was lying on the sofa or sitting in the garden with more time to think than I would normally have. My circumstances also made me think differently.

When I finished teaching, I spent a lot of time thinking about the past. Had I been a good teacher? Had I wasted my whole life on a career that I wasn’t very good at? Did I do the best for my pupils? The list was endless. It wore me down. I was worrying that I hadn’t done anything of value in all the years I had been teaching and my worrying got out of proportion.

And then when I was ill, there was a time when I worried about tomorrow. How would I feel? Would I be able to eat? Would I be able to go for a walk? Would I feel as rubbish as I did the day before? I had to be careful that the worrying didn’t take over and make me feel even worse than I already was.

And then because my mind was taking me to some dark places, I realised, that instead of making the most of each day I was worrying about things that had either already happened and were over, or hadn’t actually happened yet and possibly might not. It just seemed a complete waste of time and was making me more ill and sadder than I already was.

I love this statement. It is so simple and yet I find the message so apt and profound!

There are times in our lives when everything seems insurmountable. It could be problems at home, work, your family, recovering from illness … just about anything and these problems build into what seems a never-ending staircase with the top unreachable. We stand at the bottom, looking up and think ‘There is no way I am going to get up there.’ But we can if we step back and take things one step at a time.

Often, we try to rush to reach our goal and we are just not ready for it. It proves too difficult so we give up, but if we take it in small steps then anything is achievable.

After I had my children, I felt totally overwhelmed. Having 2 babies at once, looking after a 4 year old and trying to keep the house running smoothly seemed daunting. I ended up making list after list of what I needed to achieve each day and what I would like to achieve at some point. At first it was little things like have a shower, eat a cooked meal, take the children out for a walk etc, nothing dramatic or lifechanging, but it got me into a routine and showed that I was capable of more than I thought.

After my recent surgery, my aims were modest: walking up the stairs, pottering in the garden, hanging out the washing and so on – small tasks, but each achievement felt like a step on those stairs back to normality. It has taken me a year so far to achieve most things and I’m not quite at the top of those stairs (ie back to how I was pre illness) but I am almost there. It is within sight and I know that as long as I don’t do anything silly or push myself too hard, I will reach the top.

I was keen to get back jogging after achieving the couch to 5km pre diagnosis but felt that I was unlikely to achieve it again. Once I felt well enough, I had to go right back to the beginning of the programme and heading out that first time was so tough, both mentally and physically. I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t want to start again but knew that I had to and it has worked. I'm not at 5km yet, but I am actually achieving distances far quicker than I did first time around.

So that simple statement rings true for me – have courage, take that first step, however hard it might seem, and continue one step at a time. It won’t be long before you find yourself at the top of that staircase looking down and hopefully encouraging others!

I’ve always believed that walking away from a bad situation is a weakness – a weakness because you haven’t the strength or courage to face up to things, whether it be something bad that has happened to you, a clash of words with someone or losing faith in yourself. It has taken me a long time and several difficult situations to realise that in fact, the opposite is the truth. I now realise that to walk away from what you know, what is comfortable and maybe what is easy, takes tremendous strength and courage. We could all settle for an easier life but by having that courage, we can move on to bigger and better things. We can move onto something more fulfilling where we are loved and appreciated and respected. We can move on and regain self-respect, self-worth and self-motivation. It is only by walking away sometimes, that we begin to understand our inner strength. We may never persuade others that we have worth and value but in our innermost selves, we know! And that is the most important thing. Who cares what other people think? Believe in yourself, your integrity and your values – have the courage to stand up for what you believe in and be brave enough to walk away when you know that it is the right thing to do. Don’t settle for second best! It might not be easy but you will be glad that you have done it in the long run.

Maybe it is not easy to be 'the one.' When life turns on you or you are feeling rubbish, you hope against hope that someone will be ‘the one’ for you, the one that lifts your spirits, offers support and friendship and is alongside you through the difficult times.

I have found in recent years, that being ‘the one,’ the one who at least tries, is noticed by those who are important in my life and reciprocated many times over. In the last 18 months or so, through possibly the hardest part of my life so far, I have experienced ‘the one’ on numerous occasions. Maybe you will recognise yourself: the one who left a packet of my favourite biscuits on the doorstep whilst I was undergoing chemotherapy and struggling to eat, the one who messaged me every day even though sometimes all I could do was respond with a sad face emoji, the one who sent me a postcard because they know I love getting things in the post, the one who hugged me when I was feeling so desperately low and couldn’t see the way forwards or the one who listened, when I didn’t want advice, just someone that I could offload too. I could go on, there have been so many examples, many of which might have gone unnoticed in past years, but now I recognise them for what they are: friendship, kindness and love. We don’t have to do all the examples above to be ‘the one’ we just need to do something, one thing, anything. We can all ‘Be that one today’ and everyday, if we stop and think and reach out.

Let me know what you have done to be ‘the one’ and help provide inspiration to others.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank

There is no doubt that Anne was wise beyond her years. It is such a simple statement but it is absolutely true. We can wait for a long time before doing anything: waiting for the right opportunity, waiting for the right thing, waiting for permission but in reality we can all act whenever we want, to make things slightly better for someone else.

We can smile at the person we pass in the street, compliment someone out of the blue, plant some bee friendly flowers, provide a helping hand to a stranger or be a listening ear. It doesn’t take much, but every little act, every simple gesture makes a difference to someone. It might not mean much to you, but to them it could mean the world; an acknowledgement of their existence and a moment of happiness. We never truly know what another person is feeling; what their home life might be like; whether they are struggling with a problem or whether they are crying out for help but we can support one another and make the world a better place to be. As Anne says, don’t wait a single moment – do something today that will make a difference for someone else.

Even though there are days I wish I could change some things that happened in the past, there’s a reason the rear-view mirror is so small and the windscreen so big. Where you are headed is much more important than what you’ve left behind.

I have had many days when my insecurities, anxiety or depression has made me think that I should have done things differently. If only …. If only I had stood up for myself, if only I had said this instead of that, if only I had acted in a different way ….. Life is full of ‘if onlys!’

We could spend our entire time looking backwards and worrying about what has been done, wasting precious days and experiences, when we should be looking forwards and moving on. Mistakes are made. We all make them, so we need to learn to acknowledge them and then move on and look to the future. Know that better things are coming if you allow them to. Give yourself the courage to forgive those who have upset you and forgive yourself for your past actions. We can use the future to make changes – to our lifestyles, to the way we think and act and we can then hopefully avoid making the same mistakes again. We cannot keep looking back to the past, what is done is done. For our sanity we need to look to the future even though that may be difficult. Depression can strike at any time and can take you to some very dark places, but if we all try to look forward rather than backwards, perhaps those bleak times will become less and less. We will have learned and moved on, which is surely a much healthier approach to life.

Can’t clean up the whole room?

Clean a corner of it.

Can’t do all the dishes?

Do a dish.

Can’t get in the shower?

Wash your face.

Always look for the thing you CAN do, with the energy and focus you DO have.

Little wins pave the way for bigger wins.

1% beats 0%

Dr Glenn Doyle

I came upon this quote last week and loved it – it really made me think.

I often get overwhelmed by the sheer mountain of jobs that need to be done. My whole house needs sorting, decluttering and reorganising. I start off with good intentions, begin emptying things and then find that I have neither the energy nor inclination to finish the job. Last summer when I was undergoing cancer treatment, I was physically unable to do lots of things. Chemotherapy zapped me of energy and some days it was enough to get up washed and dressed. It was then I started breaking down jobs into small and manageable tasks. Each one I completed was a huge boost and gave me the motivation to try again once I had rested. At the end of each day I was able to note down what I had achieved and see how this increased each week. Breaking larger jobs down made everything seem much easier to achieve and it is something I still try to do today. Thinking about tackling a whole room means I tend to put the job off – I haven’t got time to do it all, but by telling myself to sort just one drawer or cupboard at a time I have the motivation to crack on and without realising it, the majority of the work is done within a very short period of time.

Give it a try and see for yourself!

Have you discovered this? I have! When I was at my lowest, suffering from a lack of self confidence and low esteem, any of these brightened my day and would make me think that things perhaps weren’t quite as bad as they seemed. They gave me a glimmer of hope, a light to work towards and a reason to get up in the morning.

I remember one occasion when work was really getting on top of me and I lost all faith in my teaching abilities, convinced that I had wasted my life on a career I just was not good enough for. One of my colleagues took away the children’s books to scrutinize and, on her return, made the comment ‘Well you can certainly see that the children have progressed.’ It was almost a throw away comment, but it was the first positive thing I had heard in a very long time and I promptly burst into tears. Those few words made me realise that I actually could do the job. As a teacher, I had spent years encouraging and supporting children to do their best but only then realised that as adults, we also need that encouragement and support.

During the pandemic and through my illness – a smile from a stranger, a word of encouragement from an acquaintance, a visit or a letter from a close friend were all things that helped me through the difficult times. Gestures don’t have to be big and lavish; each tiny thoughtful action can be just as powerful and just as helpful. A thank you makes people feel appreciated, a compliment makes someone feel good about themselves, a smile makes people feel accepted, a hug shows people that they are loved. All small, simple and easy to do. We have no idea what people are going through even when life outwardly seems good. So many people are hiding reality, struggling inwardly or finding the pressures of life and work just too hard – take a moment to reach out and give them a small ray of light – take that moment to help someone else.

Life can get very comfortable sometimes. We stick with what we know, what we are used to and we are mostly happy. And then every now and again something comes along that makes us think a little differently - perhaps a disagreement with a friend, a change in work situation or a feeling that life is passing us by. Taking that first step to change things can be difficult and scary. We don’t know what will happen, we might make a big mistake and make things worse or we might just be too frightened of leaving what we know, to take that step into the unknown, even though we are unhappy. And yet, if we are brave enough to do it, to change that page and move on, it could be the best thing we have ever done.

I was working in some form of educational setting from the moment I left college. I hadn’t done anything else and didn’t feel I was capable of anything else, so leaving was terrifying. What could I do? I gave myself 6 months to rest and recover before looking for something else, but in the end, I was working within 6 weeks in an area that I would never have imagined. It took courage to apply, go through screening tests and a week of training with a group of strangers, but it was one of the best things I ever did. Those strangers have now become colleagues and friends: they are helpful, supportive and encouraging. I am learning new things every day and I am enjoying the challenges that the job brings. I am on a new page, in a new book and hopefully developing into a new me. It has opened out a different world for me.

So go for it .. be brave, take that first step and see what the new page brings for you!

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back.

Giving someone a gift doesn’t have to cost money. The gift of time is priceless! Everyone is busy these days and life always seems to be a rush – rushing from one place to the next, one person to the next, or one activity to the next – there is never enough time. So, anyone who is prepared to give up some of their limited time to comfort you, support you, help you or just be with you, has to be a most amazing person, giving the most wonderful gift in my opinion. A few moments can make all the difference to someone who is struggling or just finding things a bit too much. A few moments can be all that it takes to change a difficult day for someone into a bearable day, a sad day into a happy day and a despairing day into a more hopeful day. Time is the most precious gift of all. I am so thankful to all those that gave up their time during my illness, whether it was keeping me company, sending me uplifting texts or taking me to appointments. They made a huge difference!

Whenever you show kindness or courage or honour or generosity of spirit, you are a light in the darkness.

Be a light.

Naneh Hoffman

Have you ever felt so low that your whole being can only see darkness and gloom? It is such an awful, lonely and often scary place to be and for some it can seem that there is no light, no ray of hope to be found.

Being a light doesn’t take much. A kind word, an unexpected smile, a welcome hug or a simple touch on the arm can be all the light that someone needs to know that people care. If we all tried to be a light what a brighter and happier place the world would be.

Despite current circumstances there is evidence every day that there is light in the world, that people want to reach out and help others in need. We might not be able to make a huge difference in world events but we can make a huge difference closer to home.

If you see someone who appears to be struggling, give them that ray of light and make their day that tiny bit brighter.

Sometimes it is hard to be hopeful. Life overtakes us and bogs us down with worries and anxieties and sometimes it feels like that there is a rain cloud above us and the gentle light shower we were coping with has turned into a downpour so heavy that it threatens to overcome us. But have hope. Work through the storm, dig deep and inevitably the clouds begin to break and we see a glimmer of light – a glimmer of something better to come. And then the sun shines once more and the plants grow and suddenly the world seems a lighter, brighter place. Have hope and faith that those times will come whatever your current circumstances. Believe! Life will get better.

If you have ever suffered from depression or have gone through a hard time, you will know how much it means when someone reaches out to you, offers a helping hand, a warm smile or a gentle hug. It can make such a difference knowing that there is someone who cares and it really does brighten up a dark world and offer hope for better times to come. I have so appreciated all those who have reached out to me during difficult times and been surprised that it is not always the most obvious people. They may never know what a difference they made or how much they helped me, but I do, and that is why I try to reach out to others. Pay it forward time! Just imagine how much difference we could make if everyone reached out to one other person they noticed was struggling.

If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.

Some days it is just so hard to imagine that life is going to get better - everything seems dark and difficult. Working in the forest, I see the trees through the different seasons: the leaves changing colour and falling silently in Autumn, the branches stark and bare through winter, the buds forming and opening in Spring and the tree in all its beautiful splendour in the summer. It stands and it waits and it grows and it changes. We can too. Keep breathing, have patience and believe – it may seem that you have lost everything or that you don't know which way to turn, but things will change and life will get better.

Give it time.

Close the door to your past.

Open the door to your future.

Take a deep breath and step through to a new life.

When I closed the door on teaching, I had no idea what to do with myself. I’d wanted to teach since the age of 6 and had never really thought about doing anything else, I couldn’t imagine not being a teacher and didn’t know what else I could do. But amazingly, a new experience unexpectedly emerged and I became a sensory panellist for a confectionary company and I LOVE it! I fell into it by accident, It is completely different to anything I have ever done before; and I am learning new skills. So, although my teaching door closed, it enabled a new door to open that I would never ever have imagined doing.

One day at a time ...